The Test
by welshie
Summary: How Vaughn deals with the consequences of going to Taipei. Post ATY. Chapter 7 now added. Please R&R!
1. The Result

This is the first proper Alias fanfic I've written. I'm grateful for any reviews. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and to tell me if it's any good or not!!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer::- I unfortunately don't own the show or the any of characters I've used here- (except in my dreams)!

I wanted to write about post-ATY consequences mainly from Vaughn's perspective. There will be also some romance with Vaughn and Sydney - eventually!

****

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE TEST

Chapter 1- The Result

Devlin sat up straight in his chair and slowly shook his head. He then glanced at the notes he had prepared for the meeting to make sure every point had been covered. He sighed after looking up across the desk.

"You do understand everything I've told you?" Devlin asked. He was unsure Vaughn had heard a single word he had just said. It seemed as if Vaughn was just sitting there in front of him with a detached, indifferent look on his face.

"Yes, sir." Vaughn replied only barely acknowledging him. Devlin felt as if he were a stern parent disciplining an unruly child.

"If you can get everything up to date and pass on your files by Friday?" It was made to sound as if it was a polite request when it was in fact an order. The final order a relieved Devlin would have to give Vaughn. "And on Monday, you should report to Williams at Surveillance. Any questions Vaughn?"

"No, sir. May I go now?" Vaughn said quietly.

Devlin couldn't hide his surprise. He had expected Vaughn to be pacing the floor of his office by now, raising his voice, arguing for the right to stay as Sydney Bristow's Handler. He had expected to say that there was no way he could have remained there. Breaking protocol, risking not only his life, but also his agent's. Devlin felt Vaughn's actions were unacceptable therefore he would have to deal with the consequences.

"I'm sorry. I had no choice." Devlin lied. He couldn't control Vaughn any longer so he didn't want to be responsible for him. Vaughn just nodded briefly before walking out of the stifling atmosphere of Devlin's office and into the sanctuary of his own. 

Vaughn closed the blinds in his office, blocking most of the morning sunlight out. He clicked the desk lamp on and sat in his chair wondering why he was unable to feel anything. At first, his sudden detachment from everyone and everything had scared him, but not as much as the thought of what might have happened. He realised he should be grateful to still have a job and more importantly his life. He knew it was a miracle he wasn't dead.

He was as good as dead before a guard had saved him from the then subsiding mass of water. The guard hit Vaughn's face a few times and then shone a bright torch light in his eyes. Vaughn opened his mouth to protest, but no sound came out. The guard quickly pulled him to his feet as soon as he saw signs of life. He dragged Vaughn along a dark corridor and eventually stopped to knock on a door. He was quickly pushed into the room by the guard when the door opened.

Vaughn's eyes finally managed to focus on the face of a beautiful woman with long dark hair. 

"Who is this?" The woman asked. 

Vaughn looked across the room to see Sydney strapped to a chair, her eyes wide with shock.

"Is he with you?" she then asked.

"Yes!" Sydney exclaimed.

"Both of you may go for now. Remember Sydney that I want SD-6 to fall as much as you do. I hope you will consider my proposal. I will be in contact soon."

Sydney was released from the chair and the guard escorted both Vaughn and Sydney to the nearest exit where they were shoved into a van and driven to the airport.

"Are you okay?" Vaughn finally asked as they walked into the terminal.

"Yes. I'm not hurt."

"Good." He didn't look at her as he spoke.

"And you?" she asked trying to study the expression on his face. "I thought you had died." She whispered. 

"Don't worry about me." Vaughn answered matter-of-factly.

Sydney decided to leave the discussion until they reached L.A. She headed over to the information desk to claim an envelope she said she had left to be collected later. In truth contained the documents and the money they both needed to get back home. Jack had organised it with one of his contacts in Taipei in case they were unable to meet up at their scheduled time. Sydney was glad her father had such contingency plans in place. She gave Vaughn a passport and money to buy a ticket with. They parted without speaking further.

On the plane Sydney wondered why Vaughn had been so distant with her. She realised that being in such a dangerous situation explained it. She comforted herself with the thought that he would get back to his usual self in time.

Vaughn had to wait in the airport terminal for a later flight, which gave him nothing else to do, but to think about his brush with death.

'What if I had died?' he suddenly thought. An image of his mother having to go a second CIA funeral hit him like a punch to the stomach. He couldn't breathe for a few moments. His mother had raised him by herself since he was eight years old. He knew she didn't deserve to be punished like that for his recklessness.

He had known going to Taipei meant risking his job and his career. As he sat on an uncomfortable chair pretending to search the departure times, he realised that he didn't really care about any of that now. He was glad Sydney was safe and that was all. 

Vaughn's thoughts then moved onto how he had risked Sydney's life. He had volunteered to go to Taipei in the foolish thought that he could help. She might have had the time to escape had she not tried to break the window with the fire extinguisher.

All during the long flight home he told himself, 'She doesn't need me', hundreds maybe thousands of times. He put the theory into practice that if you say a lie enough times, it becomes the truth. His mind eventually drifted to the future. He could guess what his punishment would be. He knew he was walking into an empty life where every day would be a monotonous copy of the day before. He didn't mind it at all. In fact he embraced it because it was the result of him laying out his emotions, his heart for everyone to see. He refused to make that mistake again.

Vaughn's mind returned to reality as he heard someone knocking on his office door.

"Yeah." Vaughn called out.

"Hey." Weiss said as he opened the door. He could instantly sense the difference in Vaughn. "I didn't think you'd be here." Weiss continued. "It looked dark in here, but Sarah said you've been here a while." Weiss quickly explained. Vaughn didn't reply, instead he opened the blinds to let the bright sunlight stream in once more.

"Are you okay? Devlin filled me in." Weiss said carefully.

"Will you be Sydney's Handler? I'd feel better if I knew it was you." Vaughn's tone of voice sounded hard, devoid of any emotion.

"Of course. If you want me to." 

"Better you than Lambert again." Vaughn said, finally looking at Weiss.

"Hey! Thanks for the compliment!" Weiss began to laugh, but he stopped when he realised it wasn't the same Vaughn that used to joke around with him, making fun of Lambert and Haladki.

"Jack Bristow told Devlin that Haladki was the mole." Weiss said sitting down on the couch next to the door.

"I guess that explains a lot of things." Vaughn casually replied as he sat back down in his chair.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Weiss asked again. He was shocked at Vaughn's apparently calm reaction to the news.

"Yes. I'm fine." He abruptly stood up and began to walk out of the office. "Listen Eric, can we deal with all the paperwork tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure." Weiss said still surprised. He assumed Vaughn would have been angry for reporting him to Devlin, but he hadn't mentioned it or how Sydney would deal with his reassignment.

"I've got something I've got to do first." Vaughn said as opened the office door. Weiss knew exactly where he was going. Vaughn was going to meet Sydney for the last time as her Handler.


	2. The Meeting

**Chapter 2:- The Meeting**

**            Sydney heard the phone ring and ran to the kitchen to answer it.**

            "I'll get it Francie." She called out as she picked the phone up.****

            "Joey's Pizza" The voice at the other end of the phone said. Sydney recognised that it was Vaughn immediately.

            "Wrong number." She gave the usual answer and put the phone back down. She wondered why Vaughn was calling her directly as he normally got another agent to make the call. She pushed the thought out of her mind, as she needed to talk to him about the plans her mother had to destroy SD-6. She couldn't help being confused about it all. She knew her mother had done many evil things in the past and that her mother would probably use Sydney for her own gain. But Sydney thought that she could use her too. If it meant SD-6 being eliminated, maybe it was worth the risk.

            As usual Sydney found Vaughn waiting for her in the warehouse. He was sitting on a wooden crate; his legs swinging like a child's. She noticed he had taken his suit jacket off and that he didn't have his gun with him. His head was down seemingly studying his shoes. He didn't notice Sydney approaching until she spoke.

            "Vaughn." She said softly.

            "Hey." He said looking up at her face.

            "I've got something to tell you about my mother…" Sydney rushed.

            "...Stop." Vaughn interrupted.

            "What's wrong?" She asked suddenly worried.

            "There's no point telling me." Vaughn replied.

            "What?! Why?!"

            "As of tomorrow, I will no longer be your Handler. Eric will most likely take over. I've got to ask Devlin, but I'm sure he'll okay it." He spoke quickly. He thought that if he allowed her to interrupt, she would be able to see through the façade he had so carefully created.

            "Vaughn?!" Sydney began to pace up and down in front of him. Vaughn continued to swing his feet as he spoke.

            "I've been 'reassigned'. Demoted is nearer the truth. I had a better job when I started at the CIA! I'll be listening to surveillance tapes, writing up other people's reports. I'm especially looking forward to some guy younger than me, having to watch my every step for the next few years." His voice was full of sarcasm. 'If they want a robot that can use a computer, then that's what they'll get.' He said to himself.

            "What if…what if I speak to Devlin? Or my father, perhaps? It worked last time after Lambert." Sydney said thinking out loud.

            "No. I don't want you to do anything." He didn't tell her that he hadn't even tried to save himself. "Besides I'm lucky to still have a job at the CIA." He added trying to placate her. "Devlin actually called me a 'renegade'! I had to stop myself from laughing at him. I don't think I've ever been called that before!" His voice sounded bright as if he was recounting a funny story to a friend, but his face looked weary and resigned.

Sydney looked at him with incredulity. How could he be so flippant? Making jokes about his ruined career.

            "I'm sorry Vaughn. I shouldn't have agreed to you going with me."

            "I chose to go. I made the decision. So I have to live with the consequences." The sentences that came out of his mouth sounded harsh and rehearsed.

            "I'm so sorry for everything." She said sincerely.

            "Don't be."

            Sydney continued to pace in silence for a few minutes. Vaughn waited patiently for her to speak again.

"I can't believe this is happening." She finally said. She felt helpless and unable to do anything to make it better. Sydney sat down on the crate next to Vaughn. She noticed that his hands were clasped together. She slowly moved her right hand toward Vaughn's and gently intertwined her fingers with his.

            As he looked down at their joined hands, Vaughn wondered if he was being brave or in fact a coward. He believed it was the right thing to do. To leave would be best for her. His love for Sydney had consumed his every breath, his every thought. It had clouded his judgement and almost cost them their lives. 

            But on the other hand he was being a coward. Even though Devlin had forced the decision on him, he had accepted it willingly.  He wanted the chance not only to run from the responsibility of having to care for Sydney's safety, but also for loving her so completely. He simply couldn't deal with it any more. He was suffocating and the separation would give him the air he so desperately craved.

            Vaughn raised their hands and tenderly kissed the back of Sydney's hand. His mouth remained there for a few moments. Sydney could barely feel his lips touching her skin, but she could feel his warm regular breaths on her hand. Sydney closed her eyes so that she could imagine they could stay like that forever. He slowly released her hand and then turned around to grab his jacket. He jumped off the wooden crate and without looking at her, he started to walk out of the warehouse for the last time.


	3. The Rescue

**Chapter 3:- The Rescue**

Sydney desperately tried to think of something to stop him before it was too late.

"It can't be like this!" Sydney exclaimed. "Vaughn, please!"

Vaughn turned around, but he didn't allow his face to betray anything.

            "Can I…will I be able to talk to you?" she blurted out nervously. It had been the question he had waited for and he had his answer already prepared.

"You'll have Weiss to talk to about missions. He's a good man."

            "I know." Sydney replied.

            "He cares for you. I know he'll do all he can for you. You can also talk to your father and even Will now he knows." Vaughn suggested.

            "No!" Sydney exclaimed as she jumped off the crate and ran towards Vaughn. "You're the only one that understands. You know me. I need to be able to talk to you." She knew she didn't sound coherent, but she didn't have time to think her thoughts through. The emotion in her voice forced Vaughn to look directly into her eyes. He could see that the sincerity of her words was mirrored in her dark eyes.

            "I need you." She managed to add.

            The lie that he had forced himself to believe on the return journey from Taipei had been torn apart in that instant. The separation that he felt they needed suddenly became impossible to carry out.

            "Okay." He eventually whispered. He exhaled, realising that he finally felt something. In the past it had been enough to simply love her and not have her reciprocate it, but now he knew that she couldn't live without him.

            "Okay?!" She repeated in disbelief. The tears that had been building up as she had tried to persuade him finally spilled over. Vaughn was secretly pleased that he would get to see her again. 

"Thank you." She breathed.

            Vaughn knew it would now be his turn to wait for the _'Joey's Pizza' phone calls. He would be the one waiting to meet her at unusual places and at even stranger times. The empty pier on a winter's night, maybe at the Observatory just before it closed or perhaps at dawn just before the morning commuters would flood the train station._

            He knew that the only words he'd say to her would be 'Hey' or 'How's it going?' before she would explain her latest mission or even her problems dealing with her friends and her father. He knew he'd not get to see if her hair was tied up in a ponytail or worn loose or even what colour lipstick she wore on her full lips. He also knew that he would cherish and be tortured by every second of their meetings.

            He then realised that what had initially been a selfish decision had turned into something totally selfless. He should have known that no matter what happened, he'd still love Sydney.

            The briefest of smiles spread across Vaughn's face. It was his first smile in days. Sydney finally saw a glimpse of her Vaughn; the one that made her feel her whole life wasn't a lie. 

            "It'll be okay." He said. He wasn't sure if it was the truth, but he wanted to pretend it was.

            "It will be now." Sydney's warm smile shone, even through her tears.

            Vaughn desperately wanted to put his arms around her, to continue the pretence, but he resisted as he had done so many times in the past.

            "I should go now." He reluctantly lied.

            "Could you stay?" she asked her voice full of hope.

"Yes." He immediately answered, more than happy to do so.

They sat back down on the crates. Vaughn placed his jacket behind him on the crate once again and waited for Sydney to start talking. Vaughn was unable to think of his own feelings at all at that moment. All he could do was look at Sydney's face.

"What do you think?" she asked after she had carefully recounted everything that had happened between her and her mother in Taipei.

"You should do what Weiss and your father advise you to do."

"I didn't ask you what I should do. I wanted to know what _you think about it all."_

"Syd, I know how much you want an end to SD-6. It must be so tempting. You can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you of all people know, no one is what they seem on first impression. SD-6 fooled not only you, but almost everyone that works for them."

Sydney nodded in agreement.

"My first impression of you was correct." She said smiling.

"And what was that?" He asked.

"That you'd help me. That you would do your best for me."

"I remember you not believing a word I'd said and then arguing with me!"

"I did not!" She protested, but she ended up laughing.

"I've got to go." Vaughn lied again. Sydney's gentle laughter reminded him how comfortable he was in her company. He couldn't afford to forget the sacrifice he was making.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Sydney asked finally understanding why he was acting the way he was.

"It has to be this way."

"No. I don't agree Vaughn." She retorted as her eyes fired up with anger.

"Hey, maybe you could start calling me Mike now." He joked.

"I think Michael is a big enough step!" She joked back.

Sydney studied Vaughn's face. Despite his smile, she could see the sadness in his eyes. He couldn't fool her no matter how hard he tried. But she had no choice, but to play along for now.

"Go." Sydney said softly. "Francie will start to wonder where I am."

Vaughn opened his mouth as if to speak, but he thought better of it. He had to force himself not to ask her personal questions. He had to learn to control his emotions once more.

"Bye, Syd." He eventually managed to say.

"I'll see you soon." She said as if it were a promise. Vaughn nodded his head and walked out of the warehouse relieved, as if a heavy weight of had been lifted from him.


	4. The Void

**Chapter 4:- The Void**

            Vaughn walked into his apartment dropping his keys and his suit jacket on a chair by the door. He headed over to the kitchen and fixed himself a drink. He then opened the windows to let the warm summer breeze flow into the room.

He loosened his tie after he sat down on the couch and finished off the last of his drink. As he stared at the empty glass in his hand he realised that in the end nothing really had changed. He was already breaking all the rules once more for Sydney and he would do so again if she asked him to. But it was different this time. He now had nothing else left to lose. She had told him that she needed him and that's all the justification he required. 

            As Vaughn had predicted, days turned into weeks which turned into months without him even noticing. The only thing that stopped Time from mattering altogether was the secret meetings he shared with Sydney. For Vaughn, the time he spent with Sydney was his sole reality. He felt as if he sleepwalked through the rest of his life. He commented about his new job only once. Vaughn occasionally asked how Weiss was doing, but never questioned his actions as her Handler. He usually just listened to what she had to say. He always paid attention to what Sydney said, especially the tone of her voice. He began to notice that the meetings became more frequent and that she didn't need to discuss anything in particular. So they would often just sit in comfortable silence. Passers by would often assume they were strangers at the train station.


	5. The Decision

**Chapter 5:- The Decision**

            Vaughn awoke one day and noticed blossom on a tree outside of his apartment. He wasn't sure how many months had passed since that last meeting at the warehouse, but in that instant he made a decision about his future. A decision he hadn't even allowed himself to think about because he felt it could never come true. However he was now ready to at least make an attempt. He sat up in bed and picked up the phone on his bedside table to arrange an appointment.

            Vaughn knocked on the door and waited for an answer before he entered the office. He sat down on a leather chair that had been placed near the desk. He didn't waste time on the usual pleasantries. Instead he immediately launched into why he had asked for the meeting.

"I know it may seem futile and stupid of me to even ask, but I would like to be re-instated as Sydney Bristow's Handler." 

            "Why?" Devlin asked. He was curious to know what had made Vaughn change his mind and why it had taken so long for it to happen.

            "I believe that I can be a better Handler than before. That I will be better than anyone else." The words that came out of Vaughn's mouth were said both confidently and with immense conviction.

            "If Agent Bristow asked you to help her on another unauthorised mission, would you agree to do so?" Devlin bluntly asked.

            "I volunteered last time. She never asked for my help." Vaughn replied.

            "Would you agree to help her?" Devlin repeated his question.

            "Yes, in an instant." He answered; his tone of voice even and sincere.

            "Mr. Vaughn…" Devlin began, finally able to use his 'breaking-the-rules-is-not-allowed' speech.

            "…My job as Handler was not only to give counter missions, but to do my best for Sydney, whatever that took." He said interrupting Devlin. "I couldn't have stopped either Sydney or her father, so the only solution for me was to help her. As I've already said, I'd do the same again if necessary. I could have been selfish thinking only of my job and my career, but I didn't. I only thought of Sydney." He knew it wasn't the most eloquent or well-argued speech, but he was being honest with Devlin. He hoped that counted for something.

"Both Jack and Sydney have talked to me at length about supporting you if you wanted to come back as Sydney's Handler."

Vaughn's eyebrows shot up in surprise. All those times they had met, Sydney had never told him that she had spoken with Devlin on his behalf. He had also convinced himself that Jack Bristow had lost what little respect he had for him after Taipei.

"If you are to come back as Sydney's Handler, there are some conditions."

Vaughn finally allowed himself to feel hopeful. He didn't care about any provisions. He would cope with anything Devlin handed out if it meant being able to work with Sydney once again.

"You will have a six month probation period and during that time Agent Weiss will oversee your work."

Vaughn finally smiled with relief. If he did have to have someone checking up on him he didn't mind it being Weiss. It would also give him a chance to re-new their friendship.

"Thank you." Vaughn said truly grateful to have been given a second chance.

The next day Vaughn walked into Weiss' office.

"You don't mind, do you?" Vaughn asked, not wanting to upset Weiss.

"Of course not!" Weiss replied. "I'm just happy you finally came to your senses. It took you long enough." Weiss joked.

"I'm glad to see you haven't changed Eric." 

"You have though." Weiss simply stated.

"Yeah. I guess I made too big a deal out of everything." Vaughn said.

"No. I understand what you tried to do. Sydney explained it all to me."

"How's Sydney doing?" Vaughn asked not looking at Weiss.

"Michael! You know exactly how she's doing!" Weiss began to laugh. He had guessed that Sydney and Vaughn still kept in contact, but it was only recently that he had managed to pry the information out of Sydney.

Vaughn smiled at Weiss. It suddenly felt like old times. Before Vaughn got up to leave he had a favour to ask of Weiss.

"Can you do something for me? I didn't want to ask you Eric, but…" 

"No problem." Weiss immediately answered. "Sydney will be so pleased."

"You think so?" Vaughn asked unsure of her reaction for some reason. 

"You know how she'll react." Weiss answered trying to reassure him.

"She told me she likes working with you. I don't want to mess that up."

"I won't let you!" Weiss joked. He then searched in his jacket pocket and eventually found what he was looking for. "I kept it for when you came back. It'll give you something to do while you wait.'

"Thanks." Vaughn said as he caught the key to his office that Weiss had thrown him. All the parts of his old life were beginning to fall back into place. But he didn't want to feel happy until he saw Sydney standing in front of him.

Vaughn unlocked the door to his office and walked in. He noticed two boxes full of reports and files sitting on the floor beside his desk. He knew he'd have to pretend to study them, to get up to date with all of Sydney's counter-missions. But he already had them stored in his memory. It was as if he had in his mind, tape recordings of Sydney's voice, laying out all the missions in minute detail.

There was however one file he wanted to see. The one that he desperately wanted in his hands. He knelt down on the floor and glanced across the files in the boxes. He quickly picked it out and sat down on the floor, his back resting against the desk leg. It was Sydney's personnel file. He went straight to the first page. His eyes remained on her photograph for a long time. It was a small black and white photograph taken when she had joined the CIA. He had seen the same determined, concentrated look on her face many times before, but he now felt as if he was seeing her for the first time.


	6. The Return

****

Chapter 6 :- The Return

Sydney closed the book she was reading and jumped off the couch when she heard the phone ring. She hurried over to the phone to answer it.

"Joey's Pizza."

"Wrong number." She replied. She wondered why Weiss had arranged a meeting when she hadn't been given a new SD-6 mission. She knew the only way to ease her growing concern that something was wrong was to hurry to the warehouse as soon as she could.

Sydney's footsteps echoed on the hard concrete floor of the warehouse. She looked down at her shoes willing her feet to move more quickly.

"Hey Er" Her voice trailed off as she saw the person standing in front of her wasn't Weiss.

Vaughn's heart had been pounding faster as her heard Sydney's approaching footsteps becoming louder. He felt like his heart would explode.

"Whatwhat are you doing here?" Sydney managed to say.

"I, erI spoke to Devlin yesterday." Vaughn began nervously.

"And?!" She asked impatiently. She then walked up towards him not quite ready to believe he was actually standing there in front of her.

"You didn't tell me you spoke to Devlin about me."

"Come on, just tell me!" She needed to hear him say the words.

"Devlin's agreed that I can be your Handler again."

"That's fantastic!" A big smile of relief and delight spread across her face.

"I'm on probation and Eric'll still work with the both of us." Vaughn explained.

"What made you decide to come back? You never talked about it with me."

"It doesn't matter anymore." He said truthfully. He just wanted to leave the past behind him.

"I'm so happy!" Sydney laughed and without thinking she put her arms around Vaughn's neck. She held on to him tightly unwilling to let him go. As he recovered from the surprise, he put his arms around Sydney's waist. He couldn't believe how incredible it felt to be able to hold her, to be so close to her. He then wondered why he had ever doubted Sydney's reaction.

"I'd hoped this day would happen for so long, but I forced myself not to expect it." Sydney's voice was full of emotion as she continued to hold on to Vaughn. She eventually pulled away from him so she could see his face.

"I've missed you." Sydney didn't give Vaughn time to respond. "Just when I thought I had you all worked out, you manage to amaze me." She added quickly.

"Was I that transparentbefore?" Vaughn asked as if it were a weakness..

"Honest, not transparent." Sydney replied straight away. She smiled at him, but it was mixed with the realisation that he now kept so many thoughts and feelings hidden from her. 

"Guess what? No more secret meetings!" She said trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"Apart from the ones we'll have here." Vaughn smiled.

"You know what I mean; the super-secret ones no one knew about."

"Except for Eric." He waited for the surprised look on her face.

"He told you?!" Sydney said pretending to be upset.

"He's far too clever. He found us out!"

"It's not as if we really did anything to get into trouble for." She responded.

"Well, anyway I'm staying out of trouble from now on."

"Really?" She asked a little disappointed.

"Devlin asked me whether I would break the rules again if you asked me to." A small smile played on his lips and Sydney could see his green eyes sparkling mischievously. 

"And what did you say?" She asked eager for his reply. Her hand travelled up the sleeve of his jacket and rested on his chest. She could feel her hand rise and fall with every breath he took.

"I said I would, if you asked me to." Vaughn whispered. He gazed directly into her dark eyes. Whenever he thought he was in control in her presence, she would say or do something to turn everything upside down.

Vaughn desperately tried to think of something, anything to prevent what he longed to do. He hadn't intended it to go so far and now it took all his willpower not to kiss her. He still wanted to be her Handler with the same eagerness and commitment that he had shown the first time they had met. But his reasons were entirely different now. He had just returned from the desert of their enforced separation and he didn't want to go back to it.

He eventually took a step back with both feet and looked down at the floor, at the space between their feet. Sydney looked at her hand, which was still hanging in the air and she slowly let it fall to her side. She tried to hide the hurt look on her face. Sydney wondered whether she had mistaken his desire for her as just innocent teasing.

"It's not as if I don't want to." He said as if he had read her mind.

"But?" She asked. Sydney wanted them both to forget all the obstacles between them, if only for a moment. However Vaughn knew that if they crossed that line, they wouldn't be able go back to how it was ever again.

"I can't risk it." He said firmly, trying to take back some control of the situation. Sydney just nodded her head in resignation.

"Next time, you'll meet with both Eric and myself." He added finally killing the moment for good.

"Okay." She said forcing a smile.

They stood opposite each other in silence for a few minutes. He didn't want to say something that would upset her, but he knew he didn't want to leave either.

"Everything's different now." Vaughn finally said not only to Sydney, but also to himself.

"But maybe it should be different." She replied softly. "It was like a test for the both of us. Perhaps we can start again. A new beginning?" She suggested.

"A new beginning." He simply repeated, hoping she was right.


	7. The Transition

****

Chapter 7-The Transition 

Sydney had been sitting in the library for thirty minutes. She had pretended to make notes from a book she had been reading. But her mind was too preoccupied to do any actual studying. She finally grabbed her books and put them into her bag. She stood up and walked out to find Francie waiting for her at the entrance. She discreetly looked at her watch as they walked down the library steps.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to meet you back at the apartment Francie."

"Why? Do you have to go to the bank?"

"No, I have a meeting with one of my professors." She lied.

"Okay. Hey, isn't Will coming over for dinner?" Francie asked suddenly remembering the small dinner party she had organised a few days ago.

"Yeah. I'll make sure I'll be back in time to help with the cooking. I just have to discuss the paper I've written. I won't take too long." Sydney smiled apologetically.

"You'd better not!" Francie waved goodbye as she headed across campus to her car.

Sydney waited for a few moments, carefully looking around her, before she headed off in the opposite direction. 

Vaughn and Weiss both looked at their watches as they waited for Sydney in the Blood Donation van. Vaughn glanced up at the van door when he thought he heard a noise. When he saw that the door didn't open he looked across to Weiss. He couldn't help feeling that he was somehow intruding into Sydney and Weiss' meetings. As if he hadn't yet earned the right to be there.

Weiss could sense his awkwardness and apprehension. He tried to think of something to reassure Vaughn.

"You'll be running the show again." Weiss said looking at Vaughn.

"No, Sydney's always been the one in charge!" Vaughn replied lightly. "But what does that make you now?" Vaughn added.

"You can still call me Boss'!" Weiss answered.

"In your dreams!" Vaughn countered. Weiss smiled in relief as he saw that Vaughn seemed more relaxed. They then talked about sports while they continued to wait for Sydney. 

She paused for a moment outside, not only to check to see if there was anyone following her, but also so that she could take a deep breath and prepare herself for the meeting. She couldn't explain why she was feeling so nervous. She finally opened the door and walked up the steps and into the van. Vaughn and Weiss were too busy laughing to notice her presence at first.

"Hey." Sydney said to them both after she closed the door behind her. Their laughter died away as their heads instantly turned towards Sydney. She blushed when another wave of nervousness washed over her.

"Hey." Weiss watched the expression on her face, trying to see how well she was dealing with Vaughn's return. Sydney managed to smile back. She put her bag down on the floor and sat on the table by the window.

"Hi, Syd." Vaughn said quietly, looking directly at her. He didn't want it to be a great emotional reunion. He could only deal with it all, if it got back to something resembling the routine and order of their previous counter-mission meetings.

Sydney's eyes met his gaze. Even though Weiss was sitting there with them, all she could see in the small van was Vaughn.

"We better get started since we're all here now." Weiss looked back at Vaughn. Weiss thought that the sooner Vaughn explained then details of the counter-mission, the sooner he could leave the van.

"Yeah, right." Vaughn said suddenly aware he had been staring at Sydney. She looked even lovelier than the last time they had met in the warehouse. The mid-afternoon sun shining through the window made her eyes sparkle and it seemed as if her hair was glowing.

"These are the pictures you have to plant at SD-6 and this is a copy of the device that you have to exchange with the real one. We will be able to contact you during the mission in Tokyo in case anything happens."

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning." Sydney replied as she carefully studied the documents Vaughn had handed to her. She could feel Vaughn's eyes on her and she longed to be able to look at his face also, but she knew that they had to remain as professional as possible especially as Weiss was there and that Vaughn was still on probation.

"Any questions?" Vaughn asked desperately trying to remain business-like and keep focussed on the mission.

"No. I think everything's covered." Sydney said finally looking up at both Vaughn and Weiss.

"Well Mike, I think I should be heading back to the office." He said, rising out of his seat. "I have to finish that report Devlin wanted." Vaughn was about to say _what report?'_, but was silenced with a glare from Weiss.

"Okay, then. Syd, you know the drill. We'll meet once you get back from the mission." Weiss quickly headed to the door. They all knew that Vaughn should be monitored throughout every meeting, but Weiss was more than happy to give them some time alone.

"Sure. Bye Eric." Sydney said smiling gratefully at him even though she wasn't sure what she would actually do or say to Vaughn.

"Bye." Vaughn called out as Weiss closed the door to the van behind him.

Vaughn and Sydney sat in silence for several minutes. It was far from the comfortable silences that they had experienced in the past. Sydney just wanted to say something, anything to break the ice. It felt as if they were two strangers meeting for the first time. Vaughn then stood up, his head resting against the white cupboards on the wall.

"I think I'm allowed to talk to you, even though Eric's not here." Vaughn joked.

"Are you sure you're not breaking any CIA rules?" she retorted.

"I" Vaughn was suddenly at a loss for words.

"Look, I apologise for being mean. I don't want it to be like this. It shouldn't be this weird." Sydney said frustrated. She knew no one was to blame, but she couldn't think of a way to remedy the situation. She didn't want their relationship to still be this strained a year from now.

"I'm sorry." Vaughn said simply. He wasn't being either professional or a friend to Sydney. What was the point of fighting to get re-instated if Sydney thinks that I don't want to be her Handler anymore?' he thought. "I knew that things would change between us our _working relationship_'." he emphasised.

"I thought it would change for the better." She said sadly.

"How _can_ it be better, Syd?" He said bitterly. He realised that the past would always be there, dogging any hope for a fresh start. Sydney looked up; startled by his comment. She was surprised that he was so completely different from the Vaughn she had first met. The two qualities she had so admired, his inherent optimism and amenable nature had been squashed and replaced instead with distrust and cynicism.

"Are you ready to give up? She asked. Her eyes flashed with hurt and rejection. She had almost lost him once before and she knew that she would never take him for granted ever again.

"Doesn't matter how much we try. It's impossible to win when there are far too many factors against us." He said in resignation.

They both knew they weren't discussing their working relationship any more. The pain they both now felt by simply being together seemed to be greater than any other feelings they had for each other.

"So this is the way it's going to be from now on?" 

"I'm tired Syd. Tired of holding my breath. That's what it feels like I've been doing for so long. But yes, this is the way it has to be from now on." He said flatly.

"Why are you here" It was her turn to surprise him. She rose to her feet as she spoke. "if you hate me so much?" she challenged.

"It would be easier if I did." He confessed. "But, I don't hate you." Vaughn just sighed. Sydney's anger disappeared when she saw the expression on his face. She slowly walked up to face Vaughn directly.

"Then what _do_ you feel for me?" She was scared to know what his response would be.

"I feelmore than I should." He whispered. He raised his right hand and took a lock of her soft cinnamon coloured hair in his fingers. He felt relieved now she had forced him to say the truth out loud. However it now made their situation more complicated, not less.

Sydney's eyes locked with Vaughn's. She could see the hope she felt, reflected in his eyes. They had reached this point before and Vaughn had tried to walk away, unwilling to deal with the consequences. But it felt different this time as they stood there finally acknowledging their mutual feelings.

Sydney moved even closer towards Vaughn and gently pressed her lips against his. There wasn't the usual anxiety of a first kiss, but only desire and passion. She could feel his fingers rake through her long hair as the kiss intensified. In that instant she knew it was worth the risk and having to add to all the deceit because it felt even better than she had imagined.

Vaughn wanted to stay in that moment forever. Being so close to Sydney meant that he could temporarily forget all the obstacles that had been placed in the way of their happiness. He suddenly remembered where they were. He broke away from Sydney and he returned to earth with a bump. 

"I have to go. I'll have a lot of explaining to do if Devlin thinks I've gone AWOL." He said regretfully.

"Traffic. It's always bad at this time of day." She said smiling at him. He didn't want to move away from her. His arms remained wrapped around her waist.

"That's true!"

"Wait here." She said all of a sudden. She gently moved his hands away from her and turned to face the window. She walked towards the table and grabbed a pen from a side pocket on her bag. She wrote in small capital letters on the palm of his left hand, the name of hotel and the alias she would use for her booking.

When he realised what she was doing, he asked, "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." She said with certainty. "We've already spent too much time apart."

"Okay."

"Good!" she said brightly. "I'll see you later." She kissed Vaughn on the cheek and swiftly picked up her bag and left the van before either of them could voice all of the reasons why they were crazy to risk their lives in that way.

Vaughn couldn't move for a few moments. He was stunned that their relationship had changed so quickly. Finally a gentle smile spread across his face, which only left his face when he returned to his office.

Weiss walked into Vaughn's office after he heard he had returned.

"So?" Weiss asked.

"So what?" Vaughn asked in mock ignorance.

"Are you and Syd okay?" He asked carefully choosing his words

"Yeah, it's fine now. It was a bit weird at first, but it's fine now." 

"Good." Weiss said as he guessed the truth. But he didn't want to say anything else. He was happy for them both. He knew exactly what Vaughn and Sydney had gone through to get to that point in their relationship. He didn't want to add any extra pressure or raise Devlin's suspicions even further.

"So what are you doing tonight." Weiss asked as he headed to the door.

"Not sure yet." Vaughn replied.

"Playing it by ear?"

"Yeah, something like that." Vaughn smiled, grateful that Weiss understood. "Hey Eric?"

"Uh-huh?" Weiss said turning to face Vaughn

"Thanks for your help."

"No problem." Weiss said brightly before walking out of the office.

For the rest of the day Vaughn thought of nothing else, but the date with Sydney that night.


End file.
